You’ve decided to tell your parents that you’re pregnant…how should you break the news?
Consider their personalities and the type of relationship you have.
Your family loves you, even if they get upset with you, they still love you. However, you may have a distant relationship with one or both parents. If that is the case, remember that there are others capable of supporting you. If your mom is a hothead, you may want to tell a trusted aunt or grandparent that you’d like her to sit in on a difficult conversation. If a parent has a history of violence, another adult can help keep you safe.
Choose the right time.
You may need to ask for a meeting. Yep, they’ll probably suspect something and may even figure it out beforehand.
Try to tell them at the same time.
It’s not fair to ask a parent or stepparent to keep a secret from their spouse.
Don’t say, “Don’t be angry.”
Pretty much everyone starts to get angry when approached this way. They are allowed to be shocked. You were when you found out you were pregnant, so stay calm and give them time to adjust.
Instead say, “I have a problem and I need your help.”
This lets them know that you are being realistic and recognize that it affects them too. It also encourages a collaborative relationship instead of a blame game.
Tell them what you know.
Stick to the facts. How far along do you think you are? Who have you told? Who is the baby’s father?
Anticipate that they will have other questions. They might demand to know if you will marry the baby’s father, if you will consider terminating, or how you plan to go to college. The truth is, you don’t have to decide anything right now. The best response is: I am not sure, but I have time and I have options. Right now, I just want you to know what is happening.
Invite future conversation.
Parents often round each other out. One does all the talking; the other clams up. One parent becomes livid; the other embraces the positive. Even if your mom was initially excited, she may need time to process the challenges that a new baby represents. If your father was angry at first, he might wait to talk after he cools off in a few weeks. Telling them that you want to talk about it more when they are ready lets them find a healthy middle ground where the family realistically discusses the plans they need to make in order to get ready for a new little person.
If you need to talk to someone about your pregnancy options, Legacy Pregnancy Center can be an important part of your support system. Our Decision Guide and advocates help you weigh the pros and cons of parenting, adoption, and abortion in a calm atmosphere. You and your parents have a lot of important questions that deserve answers. Get answers.
